Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Sadie Sophisticated Lady

Sadie passed away last night. I'm going to let Massah-in-law write about it:

We got Sadie when I was 12. I always wanted a puppy for as long as I remember and was so happy when we got the little runt of the litter. Her mom was a blonde american cocker spaniel and her dad was a black one. On our way home after getting her I sat in the back seat of our car and held her. She was always my best friend. The first thing that I loved (not counting my family) and from who I learned the meaning of unconditional love. I've had a troubled past, but through it all she was always there for me, wagging her tail and at my feet or following me around the house or napping next to me (she always had to be touching someone as she slept). She would lick the tears from my face through all my emotional turmoils and depressions. We had many discussions about death, since abandonment was and is my greatest fear and I somehow consider death to be the ultimate abandonment. We had an agreement -- if life ever got too hard for either of us, we would be okay if we chose death over the pain. She was the only one I confided my suicide plan to, and even after I tried and survived a few years ago and came back home she forgave me. I tried to break our agreement. But she never did, and fought for her life until the very end. She taught me that living a long fulfilling life full of love is the meaning of existence. I no longer have any desire to cheat myself of that.

Today I went home after work and she stood up when I walked in. That was the last time she would stand on her own. We waited for her vet appointment. She couldn't lift her head, but she wasn't sleeping. She just laid there looking at me, and through that silent communication I knew she was telling me that it was her time, and I comforted her as much as I could. But through my tears and selfish pain, she knew that I was having a difficult time and she was comforting me even more than I was her. I carried her to the car and held her on the way there and observed that I was in the same seat as when I carried her home for the first time. First and last car rides.


We think she had stomach cancer. Her mom died of cancer when she was 9 or 10. The vet wouldn't know for sure unless she did an exploratory surgery, which she wouldn't have survived. Her heart rate was 60 and she was taking breaths at the same rate her heart was beating. We knew that the best choice was to let her fall asleep forever. She was lying on the floor, all four legs spread out, just like she used to do all the time as a puppy. We took off her collar. The vet brought out a blanket, stood her up, and gave her the sedative. I was on the floor next to her, and the vet told me I should watch my hand because the shot would sting and she was worried Sadie might bite or snap at me. I told her she wouldn't, and she didn't even flinch as I petted her head and the sedative was given. Sadie was down to 16 lbs. She was normally 28 lbs. They stood her up to give her the sedative and she just stood there for a little bit before it set in. As she stood there I was petting her and crying and she gave me a kiss. Even then she knew I was having a hard time and wanted to comfort me. Then she got tired and laid down. The vet came back after 15 minutes. She shaved her back leg and explained that she would stop breathing and then her heart would stop beating. She gave her the shot. Sadie took a few more breaths then stopped. The vet listened for a heartbeat. "Her heart has stopped too."

After I stopped petting her lifeless body, the vet wrapped the blanket around her very gently and folded her into her arms. That's when it hit me. She wasn't with me any longer. The vet carried her little body out and I got up off the floor. After a long wait she brought Sadie's body back, wrapped in her blanket, and in a cardboard box. She offered to carry her out to the car for me but I knew I had to do it. I road back home carrying her body.


We buried her in the backyard next to a tree. I was the one who laid her in the ground, curled up in the blanket just like she was sleeping. We don't have a stone with her name on it yet, but I wanted to mark the spot so we would know exactly where she was laid down. We put a goofy little frog statue thing over her. There lies my best friend, who taught me so much about life and love. I will never forget anything about her. And I am eternally grateful for the 13 years we had together.

Rest in peace, Sadie. I will see you in 50 years or so. Thank you for everything. I love you.


June 1, 1994 - July 30, 2007



Here are some of Massah-in-law's favorite pictures of our Say-Say-Love.

























Rest Peacefully, Little Angel

33 comments:

Ruby Bleu said...

Oh Tad...me and my mom are just weeping and weeping. Sadie was such a wonderful pup...especially to Massah-in-law. You make sure to give lots of good kisses to her today, ok. She needs you now. And Massah and Fig too. That was a beautiful tribute to a wonderful friend.

Those picture were great. I love the ones where she was with you and Fig...Sadie had a wonderful long life. Remember her and the happy times always.

Lots of Loving Licks, Ruby and Michele, her Mom.

FleasGang said...

This is such a beautiful tribute not only to Sadie, but also to yourself (if you aren't aware of it.) And it was the hardest post I've ever had to make my way through because I kept crying. Sadie was definitely your soul mate and you two were made for each other. Even in death she was teaching you a lesson - It's really hard for the people who are left behind. We're grateful that you ultimately didn't break your agreement with her.

Love
The FleasGang

Balboa & Mommy said...

Oh Massah-in-law, I am sobbing as I read your story. I am so sorry you lost your best friend, but am happy you had Sadie in your life. It's amazing what animals can teach us and guide us through.

Those pictures were such a beautiful tribute to Sadie, you can see how much she was loved and how much love she gave back. How much she was an important part of your family.

Your life will be forver changed, forever beautiful because you had Sadie in your life.

Balboa and Karen

Stanley said...

Tad,

Sweet, sweet Sadie. She looked like she was everybody's lady, but most especially your Massah-in-law's heart-dog. Your Massah-in-law is a brave girl, and it's clear she learned some of that bravery from Sadie.

Your Sadie was one loved pupgirl! That tribute speaks volumes about the impact she had on the world, and that was only Massah-in-law talking. I can't imagine how many others were changed by her too.

Give some extra lovin' to your Massah-in-law, to Massah and to Fig. (It looks like Fig actually was quite fond of Sadie Girl).

I love you, Tadman, and am sending special strength goober hugs to all at Casa de Tadpole!

Goober love,
Stanley

Pee Ess
I'm glad your Massah-in-law is still here in the world to get loved on by you and to experience your love!

wally said...

Thank you for sharing the story of Sadie with us. What a wonderful dog and I'm so glad she could be a good friend when your massah-in-law needed her the most and that she could return the favor to Sadie.

Loads of hugs and kisses,

Wally.

Peanut said...

That was one of the most beautiful tributes I have ever read. I am so glad Massah in law is still around to be able to write it and that Sadie was such an important part of all your lives.

coco said...

what a legacy of love sadie leaves behind. even kissing auntie leah up to the very end - giving of herself through her suffering. what a sad but beautiful story of a life well-lived. thank you for sharing it, leah.

all who share this blog understand the depth of emotion these angels bring into our lives - the deep attachment and unique bond that is shared. they are our babies, yet our protectors. they are our family - they are our home. they comfort us when they are fragile, they kiss us when we cry. they share our most intimate moments. and they are always, always there for us. such precious friends live on in our hearts forever and will never be fogotten.

god bless you, sadie - i know you are running free across the fields of heaven, lapping up the clean, clear water and waiting for the day you can welcome home your precious loved ones again, greeting them with happy kisses like you always did here.

and thank you, god, for giving us the wonderful blessing of knowing and loving sadie.

coco's mom

coco said...

pee s. to tad from coco -
i am so amazed at the timing of things, and how you & fig are staying at massah's mom & dad's right now. you & figgy will be such a comfort to them all! be sure to snuggle up tight with massah-in-law, and tell fig to do the same. she needs extra loving licks and i bet if you try hard enough, you can even get a grin out of her. only you and fig can do that for her right now, and i am so glad you are there.

cuzzy love, coco

Charlie Kelley-Church said...

Gosh- my mom had a big case of wet eyes. That was such a beautiful story. Thank you for writing it. My family sends licks and loves to you and your family. Sadie had such a beautiful soul. I know you will miss her and I know Sadie will watch over you with Fu Fu from the Rainbow Bridge.


C-K-C

The Airechicks said...

Tad:


How lucky your family were to have Sadie ...What a wonderful grand lady she is....

Very pretty tribute to her - Thank you for sharing her with us.

Butchy & Snickers said...

Oh Tadpole,
We're so sorry about Sadie, but we know it was her time & she is now without any pain. Thank you so much for sharing the lovely tribute to Sadie. Sounds like she had a very wonderful happy life & made so many humans happy. Give Massah-in-law lots of licks & hugs ok??
Luv & Wirey Hugs!
Butchy & Snickers

Sparky said...

Tad, we are so sorry. Please give your Massah and Massah-in-law some puppy kisses from me. It sounds like Sadie had a wonderful life.

My mama has a blue collar from her kitty that died in her car. Every time she goes over a bump in the road, the bell rings.

Poppy said...

Oh Tad, I'm so sorry about your cousin Sadie. It sounds like she had a wonderful life with you all. She was lucky in that, for sure.

Poppy

ps--thanks for the well-wishes about my bee sting

Suki Sumo said...

I am so sorry to hear of Sadie's passing. From your stories and pictures I can tell she is a beautiful soul, and the best friend anyone could have. It is difficult and painful to lose your baby, but please take comfort in the fact that she was so loved from you and your family and had an amazing, long, and fulfilling life.

Tears for Massah-in-Law, Massah, Tad, and Fig (and the rest of the family),

Jen & Suki Su

Ruby's Nanny said...

Tadpole
Please tell maasah-in-law I am so sorry to hear about Sadie she is now with Brunswick my black cocker spaniel who passed on 2 years ago and whom I still miss and think about everyday. She still has you and Fig and I know that the both of you will take care of her and try to make her smile.

Ruby's Nanny

Lorenza said...

Thanks for sharing this great tribute to Sadie.
I can say she was an important part of Massah-in-law life.
Sure Sadie had a great life with her family. The memories will make them strong.
Kisses and hugs for Massah-in-law, Massah, Tad and Fig.
Lorenza

Bruin said...

Oh Tad! That was such a wonderful tribute! Mom and I are so sad to hear about Sadie!

Joe Stains said...

Tadpole this was a great tribute to a great dog lady. We are so sad she had to pass but glad she is not in pain and for all of the good years she got to spend here.

MJ's doghouse said...

so sad...hope you feel better soon....tad give massal lots of love and kisses for us...

Maggie said...

What a wonderful tribute! There are no dry eyes at our house! Sadie was a beautiful girl!

Love ya lots,
Maggie

Seadra & Zoe said...

What an awesome tribute!! To an awesome dog. We are so glad that you two had each other. Those pictures show a dog that was full of love.

Love, Seadra and Zoe

The Brat Pack said...

Thank you for sharing this with us all. I'm sitting here crying both in pain for you and happiness that you all had each other.

We're so sorry for your loss and happy that you were able to be with Sadie at the end.

Sending hugs and good vibes to everyone there...

Maryann & The Brat Pack

Luckie Girl said...

That was such a painful recollection from Massah in law. My heart goes out to her. Mom's eyes are leaking too cos I think she can feel how much Sadie means to Massah in law especially. But she's no longer in pain and she led a long and fruitful life. We will miss you Sadie.

Tasha & Eva said...

What a beautiful story of the love between Sadie and Massah-in-law.

It is always hard to find the strength to acknowledge when it is time to ease the journey. Even though Sadie's spirit will continue to be by her side, she needs you and Fig to be there too.

Tasha & Eva

Leah said...

Thank you everyone for your compassion and leaving your heartfelt comments. Just reading your comments makes me cry! DWB does make the grieving process easier (although it's the most difficult thing I've ever been through). Thanks again everyone. And give your doggins an extra treat (popcorn or tuna if you can, those were Sadie's favorites!) and some extra love and cherish every little moment with them. Thanks again, DWB.

leah (aka massah-in-law)

Amber-Mae said...

Oh my gosh Tad, this really made me & my mommy cry a huge river...This was just sad. I can't totally understand how your Massah-in-law is feeling after she was put to sleep, must have been really heartbreaking to see her go. That was just a beautiful tribute. She was just a beautiful old lady who was loved soooo very much by all of you. She had a wonderful long life too. May she rest in peace with no more pain. Good-bye Sadie...

Love licks,
Solid Gold Dancer

Ferndoggle said...

Leah, that was such a beautiful tribute to what was surely an amazing dog. I didn't think I had it in me to cry anymore, but sure enough...I've got more tears in there. And just to torture myself, I've read it 3 times.

You are a very brave soul. You & Sadie were so very lucky to have each other. It speaks volumes of her relationship with you that she was able to help you out of a dark place & see some light.

Wishing you and Sadie peace,

Jen, Sherman, Penny & Lola

Toby said...

Oh Tad, we are sorry that Sadie has passed. Massah's tribute to Sadie is beautiful.

May Sadie rest in peace and run free at the bridge.

Toby & Joyce

Ricky Pepper said...

Oh Tad, we are so sorry to hear about Sadie. Reading her story made my mom’s eyes go pee all over her face. Massah-in-law was such a good human match for Sadie and Sadie was such a good pupper match for Massah-in-law. The pictures you chose were the perfect ending to a beautiful tribute, and we want to thank you for sharing them & Sadie’s story with us. We hope Massah-in-law can find some comfort in knowing there are puppies out here that would give her kisses (if we were more geographically aligned, haha.) And Tad, sounds like you will be the perfect Chinese naked shoulder for Massah-in-law to lean on right now.
Mom says she will give us popcorn and tuna tonight in honor of Sadie.

xoxo,
Ricky, Chloe & Lucy

PerfectTosca said...

I saw your post over at my buddy Oscar's blog and couldn't help but come over here and tell you I am sorry for your loss of your beloved Sadie. Her and Oscar probably already know each other over at the bridge and I am sure that is very very cool.

Oscar's mummy and daddy said...

There are some wonderful photos of Sadie there. Please give Massah in Law lots of love and best wishes from us. Even during this awful difficult week for her, she still took time to come & post on Oscar's blog. Please let her know she's in our thoughts and prayers and that she can email us any time she wants to "talk". oscartheairedale@yahoo.co.uk

With much love to you all

Katy & Martin x

Roxie, Sammy and Andy said...

Mom has cried for all of the dogs that have gone to the Bridge but that was so beautiful, we did know if she was going to make it to the end. Mom understands loving someone who loves you unconditionally because she has us. We are glad Sadie is not suffering and we send our support to Sadie's mom. It's her wonderful memories that will be with her forever.

Randi said...

Tad & Massah-in-law,
I am in tears...there is nothing more heartbreaking than losing your best friend - my brother Dublin went to the bridge 4 months ago & he went the same way Sadie did...with the ones who loved him most around him until the very end.
Please know you are in our thoughts & prayers.
Love,
Randi