Monday, December 31, 2007
And then The Boy:
And I've also decided I want my bed back.
I wasn't consulted when Massah gave it away, so I should still have first dibs, right...?! Yes. That's what I thought.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Well, it wasn't really for ME...
But I found it early Christmas morning before anyone else was awake and took it upon myself to take it out of the gift bag, drag it across the room, unwrap it from the many layers of gift wrap and manufactorer's plastic, and started enjoying it!
This is what my family saw when they came downstairs! Hee!
And then somebody started yelling something about my pancreas (I suspect it was Massah) and then they STOLE IT from me and HID IT UP HIGH so I couldn't eat any more. I have a plan to get it back though. Just you wait. Here I am, in my turban, plotting my re-capture of the bone....
Friday, December 21, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
i didn't even graduate.
i don't even have a CERTIFICATE.
evidently i didn't perform up to their standards.
i'm too offended to write any more right now.
but the last thing i did before i walked out the door? lifted my leg and made some BIG BOY PEE-PEE right on their METAL DETECTOR.
take THAT, you sycophantical elephants enveloped in bureaucracy and embittered by self-serving parasites.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
(Yes, that is me and Petra sleeping right next to each other....)
Monday, December 10, 2007
1) At night, I used to sleep on Massah's neck but now I sleep in her armpit - her left armpit. Smells good.
2) I have poo'ed in the house every morning since the snow fell. I don't like getting my feetsies cold and wet.
3) My trainees (at work) bring me back carrots from the dining hall every day. Don't tell Massah; she tends to get annoyed at my "manipulation attempts."
4) I like to lick the air for hours on end for no apparent reason.
5) I curl up in a little tiny circle to keep warm when no one will let me cuddle on their lap (MASSAH-IN-LAW).
6) I can't see out windows. I don't know why. I look and look, but I can't see anything... not even when Massah stands right on the other side and waves and talks to me. I can't see anything!
7) I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Mean Sister Fig is the smartest, most bestest doggin in the entire world and I love her more than anything in the whole universe.
8) I like to eat poo.
I'm gonna tag anyone who hasn't been tagged! Tell us 8 things about you!
Friday, December 7, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I've (cautiously) decided to give Petra a shot. Look at me in this video - I'm NOT EVEN RUNNING AWAY FROM HER!!! Can you believe me?!?!
Gosh darn it, I am so impressed with my outrageous and unbelievable bravery. I should get a baby carrot for that. Note: It may look like I was staring to play, but I was actually trying my very hardest NOT to run screaming from the room.... Anyway, one last thing - look what I did last night!
I made some of my loveliest poo in Motch's house while wearing my festive Christmas sweater! That makes me happiest too!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
fig is my very favoritest bestest friend sister loveliest role model in the whole entire wide world and i love her more than anything, and it used to be just me and her.
and now fig likes her better.
it just makes me sad. but it makes me feel too vulnerable to tell people i'm sad, so i just act like i'm angry at her. i just want my sister back, but she'd rather spend time with petra than with me.
i'm going to go hide under the covers and cry.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Besides the fact that is what I look like when I get home, I'm working hard. I don't have time to get into everything, so I'll give you the hightlights: 1) I have "manipulated" (as Massah says) my way into getting my very own RUG that my trainees carry around for me whenever we go outside, so that I don't have to sit on the cold, cold grass. I'm very proud of that accomplishment. 2) I have also found that by screaming VERY VERY loudly, I am usually allowed to stop doing whatever we're supposed to be doing (like lying down - I HATE that). Massah says it's because the girls are terrified of my shriek, but I like to think it's because I am so very good training the girls to do my bidding. 3) I no longer have to go outside like the other dogs when we practice "heeling" (I still haven't figured out what they mean by that...) and instead I get to go to a huge gym where people scratch my chin for hours on end. That one was pretty difficult to establish - I had to work hard on my "the blood is freezing in my veins and I can't move at all please help me!!!" face for a long time before they finally caught on to that one. 4) I have taught the trainees to play a form of bitey-face with me that they find immensely amusing. So amusing, in fact, that they would rather do that than make me sit by their side for no apparent reason for hours on end. Woot!
And now on to some not-so-good news: 1) I am known as "The Crack Whore" because I will do ANYTHING for a treat. I do not find that nickname funny or cute in any way whatsoever. 2) The trainees told Massah that I do not behave sometimes. CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!?! Jeesh. Just because I get tired at the end of the day and don't want to respond to any kind of command, I get stereotyped as the bad dog. I am offended. And lastly, 3) I am being forced to do things I do not want to do. And all because they offer me treats for doing it. I can not even tell you what I've done - I've "sat" on command, I've "stayed" (granted, for very short periods of time), I've "come" like some kind of robotic machine with no brain of its own... all because they offer me baby carrots. I'm ashamed of myself. But I'll do it again for another baby carrot....
Sigh. I only have two more weeks of work. I can make it.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
She's four months old, and I can't wait to spend more time with her and maybe introduce her to the world of blogging (I know, I know... recently I've NOT been a good example of how to blog)! I'm sure I'll have some good stories soon!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
(that little baggy on the left that says "Tadpole" is the MOST important)
So yes, I get all dressed and Massah takes me out to the car. Thanks to my friend Ruby Bleu for the work attire (I got LOTS of compliments on it!!!)
I sleep until we get there, and then my work begins. A-Man tries to drag me all over the place on a ridiculous little leash. I've tried to put a stop to that (I should be able to lie on someone's lap all day) but she seems to be a stubborn little woman. She won't stop walking, and that means I have to follow along beside her or else she tries to dislocate my neck vertebrae by jerking on my collar. That's all we've done so far, but I tell you... this "training" business seems to be more about what A-Man wants that about what I want. I don't think I signed up for this. But like I said, I'm withholding judgement for now. I will give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe A-Man is just nervous, since this was the first couple days she's seen me. Or maybe she was just having a rough day, and next week she'll be willing to cooperate more. I don't know. I'll have to tell you all about my fellow trainers - there's a boxer named Jazz that I like, but she's not white like my BFF Lola Sprout Beyonce but that's okay because she can't help how she was born - but I need to rest some more for now. This is what I look like at the end of the day:
And then I do this all the way home:
It's tough working a 9 to 5. Or a 7:30 to 3:30....
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
We took our picture together:
I told her funny jokes and made her laugh a lot!
I did NOT get any of this:
I tried to look my best for her special day!
And by the end of the week, I was exhausted!
I need to rest up before my big day Wednesday! I can't wait to tell you all how it goes!
Note: photo credits - Massah-in-Law
Friday, October 19, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (favorite stuffie + tail characteristic)
YOUR GANGSTER NAME: (favorite kong-filler + favorite cookie)
Carrot Carrot (not much street cred there…)
YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color + favorite animal species)
YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name + city where you were born)
Pomegranate LaSalle (has a nice ring to it!)
YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name)
SUPERHERO NAME: (“The” + 2nd favorite color + favorite drink)
The Blue Coffee (what would my superpower be?! excessive characteristics of caffeine consumption?!)
NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
STRIPPER NAME: (your favorite scent + favorite treat)
Poopy Carrot (that’s slightly disturbing)
WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names)
I DON’T HAVE A FATHER!!! But I’ll use The Boy’s middle name:
TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (your vet’narin’s last name + a major city that starts with the same letter)
Fraker Frankfort (say that 3 times fast!)
SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday + favorite flower)
CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit + article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Wallymelon Nakedie (I don’t know if any networks would pick up that cartoon)
HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast + your favorite plant)
Eukaneuba Low-Residue Plastic (I have heard hippies are unusual, but…)
YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (“The” + Your favorite hobby + favorite weather element + “Tour”)
The Snuggle Sun Tour (very My Little Pony-ish!)
That was FUN! And I know I'm waaaaay behind in the tagging business, so if you haven't done it yet - YOU SHOULD!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
We are very bad over here - there has been no updating or visiting other blogs for DAYS! We feel HORRIBLE and we're SORRY! We're still alive and doing well, but there's a lot of busy-ness going on. Mean Sister Fig shared some news, but I'm hoping to get back on here and catch up with everyone soon.
Manly licks to you all!
Thursday, October 4, 2007
1) ETHEL, what do you think about all day long? Clue us in on what goes on in that frantic little mind of yours!
2) WALLY, are you lobbying to get "Corgador" accepted by the AKC? Describe what the breed standard would be.
3) WALLY, you coin many terms that we lesser dogs adopt into our everyday language (meatables, wallymelon, etc). What's it like to be such an important DWB cultural leader?
4) WALLY, we all know how much you love your foodables. What's the worst foodable your Ma Ape could make you eat? (hypothetically, of course - we know she could never MAKE you do anything....)
5) WALLY, your sissy Ethel occasionally has a slightly manic aura about her in pictures. Are you ever frightened of her unpredictability and slightly bizarre behaviors?
And now for POPPY'S questions! First I have an introductory question that may or may not count as one of the 5... it depends on her answer.
INTRO question) Do you think I'm cute? If yes, please explain. If no, please pretend I didn't ask that. Okay, that was just a practice one, but I still want you to answer it but only if your answer is YES. But now on to the REAL ones:
1) Please tell us why, in your opinion, the CUBS are better than the San Francisco Giants. And are you bitterly disappointed that they are not in the play-offs and the CUBS are?
2) What's it like going to the beach? Do you ever go in the water?! Do you get to ride your bike there?
3) If you were forced to get rid of ALL your toys except one, due to some catastrophic event in the lives of all doggins world wide, which toy would you keep?
4) What do you do to entertain youself when your mom and dad aren't home?
5) What one thing would you change to make the world more dog-friendly? (I know that's pretty open-ended, but interpret it any way you want and go for it!)
NOW if anyone else wants to be interview by me (Amber Mae!) please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. That way I won't have to keep taking up blog space to post questions. :-)
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
1) By now we've all heard about you starting a new job. That's very exciting. Can you tell us what you will be doing? Did you have to go to school get this job? What are your long-term career goals? Oh, and does it bother you that Fig doesn't have to work?
2) There seems to be a 'love - hate' relationship with you and Fig. I mean, you call her 'Mean Sister Fig'...is that all just for show or is there serious dis-harmony in your household? Tell us about your relationship with Fig.
3) How has your angry pancreas been doing these days? Does it bother you that you can only eat certain things? For those pups out there suffering from the same condition, tell us a little bit about what types of snackies you can eat and do you feel that your condition sidelines you in anyway.
4) Do you have any hobbies? What do you do in your spare time?
My spare time… hmmm…. I eat a lot of furniture. I pretend that I see things out the window and scream so loud that Massah jumps and yells at me. I throw all my toys up in the air. I run really, really fast! I make Fig chase me by pouncing at her. I play tug-o-war with tennis balls. I chase my tail. I beg to sit in people’s laps. I jump up HIGH in the air. I squeak toys as loud as I can. I bite Fig’s armpits. I try to run out the door when someone opens it so I can grab some poo in the yard and eat it. I cuddle up under blankets. I stick my tongue up people’s noses. I lick my food bowl over and over again, hoping that I somehow managed to miss a piece or two the first 237 time I licked it out. I make pee-pee in secret hiding places in the house. And by that time my day’s about over!
5) You and Lola (Sprout Beyonce) are quite a team. Now I know you are just BFF, but is there something more going on? Do you want there to be or is there some other special DWB girl out there? Inquiring minds want to know!
My BFF Lola Sprout Beyonce and I are Best Friends Forever! We would never do anything to compromise our BFF status. I must admit she is exceptionally beautiful, and at first I thought I might fall in love with her accidentally because she’s just so awesome, but we’ve been BFF’s for a while now and I wouldn’t change a thing. I have to be honest… there are a select few DWB gals that I’m quite taken with! But I’m too shy (and Massah says I’m still pretty young) so I’m just admiring from the sidelines, so to speak. Besides, I’m starting a new job soon and I don’t know how much time I’ll have; I’ll probably be exhausted when I get home and it wouldn’t be fair to get involved with a special lady at this point in my life. I’ve thought about getting a little black book to keep track of all my prospects, but Massah says that is not a gentlemanly way to go about it. *shrug*
If you've made it to the end, THANKS! That was fun!
If YOU'D like to be interviewed, let me know! Here are the rules:
1. If you are interested in being interviewed, leave me a comment saying, 'interview me.'
2. I will respond by posting five questions for you. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
And we also got this dead cat frisbee! I threw it into the air lots and Mean Sister Fig played tug with it a lot!
Here's a video of me getting dressed. I'm a little "wormy" because I wanted to play with my tootsie roll, and I didn't understand how dapper I'd look in my new sweater, so I was kinda trying to get away. I'm never this uncooperative when I get dressed....
I'm going to put ALL the pictures up that Massah took of me... you know how they sometimes post the "outtakes" from a photo shoot? Well, here are mine:
This is Massah's favorite, even though the lighting is pretty washed out....
I'm all ready to go to work with Massah! I think I over-heard her talking about me starting NEXT WEEK sometime! I'm READY now!!! But today I'll leave you with a picture of me and Mean Sister Fig. She got something from Ruby too, and the picture is a tease of what she'll be talking about on her blog in the next day or so: