photos and beds

There always seems to be an alarming number of pictures taken over the holidays, and this year was no exception. However, I've learned to take advantage of the moments.... First Massah-in-Law:



And then The Boy:



And I've also decided I want my bed back.



I wasn't consulted when Massah gave it away, so I should still have first dibs, right...?! Yes. That's what I thought.

it started out GREAT!

Look what I found!!!



Well, it wasn't really for ME...



But I found it early Christmas morning before anyone else was awake and took it upon myself to take it out of the gift bag, drag it across the room, unwrap it from the many layers of gift wrap and manufactorer's plastic, and started enjoying it!



This is what my family saw when they came downstairs! Hee!



And then somebody started yelling something about my pancreas (I suspect it was Massah) and then they STOLE IT from me and HID IT UP HIGH so I couldn't eat any more. I have a plan to get it back though. Just you wait. Here I am, in my turban, plotting my re-capture of the bone....

is it time yet?!

We are waiting patiently for Santa Paws!




Have a Merry Christmas, friends!

Merry Christmas and Happy Kwanza and Happy Hanukkah

I am taking a break from my alternating rants and sobbing fits (due to my horrible experience at work) and I thank everyone for their support and love. I will talk more about it when I'm ready. But for now....

We did not get in on the Christmas Card Exchange this year. And that was completely Massah's fault because she was consumed with moving and all the hair pulling that accompanied that. So anyway, here is the picture that we used for our "family Christmas card," just so everyone can enjoy:

Happy Holidays!

i don't want to talk about it

i didn't get a promotion.


i didn't even graduate.


i don't even have a CERTIFICATE.


evidently i didn't perform up to their standards.


i'm too offended to write any more right now.


but the last thing i did before i walked out the door? lifted my leg and made some BIG BOY PEE-PEE right on their METAL DETECTOR.


take THAT, you sycophantical elephants enveloped in bureaucracy and embittered by self-serving parasites.

tomorrow's the big day

Tomorrow is the Graduation for my job! I think that means I'll be getting a promotion - I can't wait to find out! I haven't received any of my wages that I'm due... I'm hoping I'll get it all at once tomorrow! I'm bathed and clean-smelling and have an outfit all picked out and ready to put on in the morning. But for now I'm resting so that I'll be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the ceremony!

(Yes, that is me and Petra sleeping right next to each other....)

tagged

I've been tagged by Toby to tell you 8 things about myself. I think other doggins tagged me too, but Toby was the first, I believe. So please don't be offended it I didn't mention you, it's just I saw Toby's tag first. I don't know why I'm explaining all this in great(and unnecessary) detail, but I am. Anyway, here we go!

1) At night, I used to sleep on Massah's neck but now I sleep in her armpit - her left armpit. Smells good.

2) I have poo'ed in the house every morning since the snow fell. I don't like getting my feetsies cold and wet.

3) My trainees (at work) bring me back carrots from the dining hall every day. Don't tell Massah; she tends to get annoyed at my "manipulation attempts."

4) I like to lick the air for hours on end for no apparent reason.

5) I curl up in a little tiny circle to keep warm when no one will let me cuddle on their lap (MASSAH-IN-LAW).

6) I can't see out windows. I don't know why. I look and look, but I can't see anything... not even when Massah stands right on the other side and waves and talks to me. I can't see anything!

7) I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Mean Sister Fig is the smartest, most bestest doggin in the entire world and I love her more than anything in the whole universe.

8) I like to eat poo.


I'm gonna tag anyone who hasn't been tagged! Tell us 8 things about you!

IT'S A BREAKTHOUGH!!!!!

This was taken about 4 minutes ago!!! You will never believe it!!!!!

Did you see us go?!?! Are you shocked beyond belief?!?! It's TRUE - I like her now!!!

Pee Ess - we are still playing!!!!!

oh holy excitement

Oh dogness, I have to tell you guys what happened today but I have to be quick because it's almost time for the Bear's game and I need to be sitting on Massah's lap with my neck pressed against her nose so she can't see very well before they kickoff. But it was great....

Today at work there was a television program that was taping a show at the prison. They happened to be wrapping up at the gatehouse when Massah and I (and other therapists) were leaving. The camera guys were getting the last of the shots and the people were talking with the warden, thanking her for letting them come and stuff, when guess what I did?!?! I made some pee-pee!!! Right in front of everybody!!! All the personal assistants and limo drivers and everybody were just standing around, and so I made some pee-pee on the rug for them!!! This is what Massah looked like:

She was "so much more embarrassed than she ever dreamed possible". I thought it was pretty cool! I mean, where else can you visit a prison and see a little naked Chinese man pee right in front of you at the same time?! Massah was SO THANKFUL the warden was facing the other way when I did it; she tried to unobtrusively grab some paper towels and sop it up before she noticed, and everyone else was very nice and pretended they didn't see it. Maybe I'll make my national television debut making pee-pee in public! One can only hope.... However, I do have one small regret: if I could do it over again, I would life my leg to make BIG BOY pee-pee instead of squatting like a girl. Oh well. Nobody's perfect.

okay, okay....

I'm feeling better. Thanks for all the love (everydog) and for giving it to me straight (Grammie) and the words of support. And you're all right - I'm the ONLY BROTHER Mean Sister Fig has! Woot! HA - I bet that little old Petra Pie can't make big boy pee-pee on the trees, huh? And what about making big boy pee-pee on bushes?! And curbs?! And dumpsters?! And really tall pieces of grass?!?! Nope - only ME, TADPOLE POMEGRANATE can do that! And today, Mean Sister Fig and I chased each other around and around and around and around the house, while Massah-in-Law was trying to study for her Theeeee-Seeeeeees or Diss-Her-Station or something. So that made me happy too.

I've (cautiously) decided to give Petra a shot. Look at me in this video - I'm NOT EVEN RUNNING AWAY FROM HER!!! Can you believe me?!?!

Gosh darn it, I am so impressed with my outrageous and unbelievable bravery. I should get a baby carrot for that. Note: It may look like I was staring to play, but I was actually trying my very hardest NOT to run screaming from the room.... Anyway, one last thing - look what I did last night!



I made some of my loveliest poo in Motch's house while wearing my festive Christmas sweater! That makes me happiest too!

the truth

fine. okay. i'm jealous of the dog known as petra.



fig is my very favoritest bestest friend sister loveliest role model in the whole entire wide world and i love her more than anything, and it used to be just me and her.



and now fig likes her better.



it just makes me sad. but it makes me feel too vulnerable to tell people i'm sad, so i just act like i'm angry at her. i just want my sister back, but she'd rather spend time with petra than with me.



i'm going to go hide under the covers and cry.