initial impressions

Hmmm.... I am withholding judgement. They've only been in training for 2 days. However, that being said, they are not picking up on my objectives and goals. A-Man, who is my trainee, does not seem to understand that the sole purpose of my presence there is to teach her to give me baby carrots all day long! I don't understand what I'm doing wrong or why she isn't catching on....

First of all, this is all the gear I have to take with me in the mornings:

(that little baggy on the left that says "Tadpole" is the MOST important)


So yes, I get all dressed and Massah takes me out to the car. Thanks to my friend Ruby Bleu for the work attire (I got LOTS of compliments on it!!!)

This was our first day of work together - yesterday morning. Please note that it is 6:30 AM and we are LEAVING. That's way too obscenely early for that sort of thing.

I sleep until we get there, and then my work begins. A-Man tries to drag me all over the place on a ridiculous little leash. I've tried to put a stop to that (I should be able to lie on someone's lap all day) but she seems to be a stubborn little woman. She won't stop walking, and that means I have to follow along beside her or else she tries to dislocate my neck vertebrae by jerking on my collar. That's all we've done so far, but I tell you... this "training" business seems to be more about what A-Man wants that about what I want. I don't think I signed up for this. But like I said, I'm withholding judgement for now. I will give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe A-Man is just nervous, since this was the first couple days she's seen me. Or maybe she was just having a rough day, and next week she'll be willing to cooperate more. I don't know. I'll have to tell you all about my fellow trainers - there's a boxer named Jazz that I like, but she's not white like my BFF Lola Sprout Beyonce but that's okay because she can't help how she was born - but I need to rest some more for now. This is what I look like at the end of the day:

And then I do this all the way home:

It's tough working a 9 to 5. Or a 7:30 to 3:30....

day one

I cannot tell you how EXHAUSTED I am! It was a pretty good day and I met A Man, whom I will be training... I'll have to tell you all about it later - I'm falling asleep as I sit here.... I have to be up bright and early again tomorrow so I need my rest. I'm gonna curl up now. *yawn*

getting ready

Well, tomorrow's the BIG DAY. I'm getting all spruced up tonight (my bath and lotioning). I hope Massah doesn't bring a camera along tomorrow - that'd be about as embarrassing as your mom taking your picture at the first day of school. I'm a PROFESSIONAL BUSINESS MAN and I don't need my picture being taken at my work place, thank you very much.

I have learned that "Amanda" is the person I will be training. But I'm already confused: Massah says stuff about "her", but it's "A MAN, DUH!" so I don't know why she isn't saying "him". I don't think this is a good sign, already becoming confused over the gender of my trainee. Hmm... maybe I should go destroy a stuffie - that always helps me feel better.

checking in

As I said, it was Massah's birthday last week, so I'm using that as an excuse for my irresponsible and negligent behavior regarding the lack of posting here. But I'm sorry I've been neglecting all my friends... I miss you all! I start my job on Wednesday, and then we're moving in with Massah-in-Law next weekend, so after that I think we'll be back on our regularly scheduled updates (I HOPE!). I have a few photos from Massah's celebrations (well, the ones I was allowed to attend, that is...).


We took our picture together:



I told her funny jokes and made her laugh a lot!



I did NOT get any of this:



I tried to look my best for her special day!

And by the end of the week, I was exhausted!

I need to rest up before my big day Wednesday! I can't wait to tell you all how it goes!

Note: photo credits - Massah-in-Law

party party party

It's Massah's birthday, so we're busy celebrating! Don't have time to chat - gotta go give her more up-the-nose kisses!

the name game

Wiley and Fievel included me in their tag about your cool names, even though my name doesn't end in a vowel, because they said I could use my nickname "Tad" because it ends in a "D" and not "Tadpole" even though that is my full name and ends in an "E". So on with the show!

YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (favorite stuffie + tail characteristic)
Snake Plume

YOUR GANGSTER NAME: (favorite kong-filler + favorite cookie)
Carrot Carrot (not much street cred there…)

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color + favorite animal species)
Green Frog

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name + city where you were born)
Pomegranate LaSalle (has a nice ring to it!)

YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name)
Han-Ta

SUPERHERO NAME: (“The” + 2nd favorite color + favorite drink)
The Blue Coffee (what would my superpower be?! excessive characteristics of caffeine consumption?!)

NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Edwin Arthur

STRIPPER NAME: (your favorite scent + favorite treat)
Poopy Carrot (that’s slightly disturbing)

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names)
I DON’T HAVE A FATHER!!! But I’ll use The Boy’s middle name:
Elizabeth Thomas

TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (your vet’narin’s last name + a major city that starts with the same letter)
Fraker Frankfort (say that 3 times fast!)

SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday + favorite flower)
Fall Dandelion

CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit + article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Wallymelon Nakedie (I don’t know if any networks would pick up that cartoon)

HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast + your favorite plant)
Eukaneuba Low-Residue Plastic (I have heard hippies are unusual, but…)

YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (“The” + Your favorite hobby + favorite weather element + “Tour”)
The Snuggle Sun Tour (very My Little Pony-ish!)

That was FUN! And I know I'm waaaaay behind in the tagging business, so if you haven't done it yet - YOU SHOULD!

I'M SORRY

*ducking head*

Hi....

We are very bad over here - there has been no updating or visiting other blogs for DAYS! We feel HORRIBLE and we're SORRY! We're still alive and doing well, but there's a lot of busy-ness going on. Mean Sister Fig shared some news, but I'm hoping to get back on here and catch up with everyone soon.

Manly licks to you all!

questions for wally and poppy!

Hi, all! I'm posting my WALLY interview questions and my POPPY interview questions on this post. I can't find their pee-mail addresses, so I'm doing it this way! First is Wally's, in which I included a question for Ethel so she doesn't feel left out:

1) ETHEL, what do you think about all day long? Clue us in on what goes on in that frantic little mind of yours!

2) WALLY, are you lobbying to get "Corgador" accepted by the AKC? Describe what the breed standard would be.

3) WALLY, you coin many terms that we lesser dogs adopt into our everyday language (meatables, wallymelon, etc). What's it like to be such an important DWB cultural leader?

4) WALLY, we all know how much you love your foodables. What's the worst foodable your Ma Ape could make you eat? (hypothetically, of course - we know she could never MAKE you do anything....)

5) WALLY, your sissy Ethel occasionally has a slightly manic aura about her in pictures. Are you ever frightened of her unpredictability and slightly bizarre behaviors?


And now for POPPY'S questions! First I have an introductory question that may or may not count as one of the 5... it depends on her answer.

INTRO question) Do you think I'm cute? If yes, please explain. If no, please pretend I didn't ask that. Okay, that was just a practice one, but I still want you to answer it but only if your answer is YES. But now on to the REAL ones:

1) Please tell us why, in your opinion, the CUBS are better than the San Francisco Giants. And are you bitterly disappointed that they are not in the play-offs and the CUBS are?

2) What's it like going to the beach? Do you ever go in the water?! Do you get to ride your bike there?

3) If you were forced to get rid of ALL your toys except one, due to some catastrophic event in the lives of all doggins world wide, which toy would you keep?

4) What do you do to entertain youself when your mom and dad aren't home?

5) What one thing would you change to make the world more dog-friendly? (I know that's pretty open-ended, but interpret it any way you want and go for it!)

NOW if anyone else wants to be interview by me (Amber Mae!) please email me at hanbnan@hotmail.com. That way I won't have to keep taking up blog space to post questions. :-)

everything you've ever wanted to know but were afraid to ask-

Ruby has graciously agreed to interview me, and when I got the questions… let me tell you I was surprised at her in-depth, hard-hitting journalism style! It’s taken me a while to think these through and to make sure I cover all my bases, but I think I’m ready. Just as a warning – this is VERY LONG and there are no pictures, so I won’t be offended if you get bored and stop reading. But here we go:

1) By now we've all heard about you starting a new job. That's very exciting. Can you tell us what you will be doing? Did you have to go to school get this job? What are your long-term career goals? Oh, and does it bother you that Fig doesn't have to work?

My job will start October 25th! I’m going to be working at a Maximum Security Prison, so it will take them that long to do all kinds of background checks on me to make sure I’m not a Peruvian drug lord or some such interesting (but illegal) doggin. I will be in what is officially termed the “dog training program” and I think that means I will stand around looking manly and let everyone pet me to their hearts content. I have heard Massah speaking in muted tones about “Tad learning obedience” but I don’t know what that means since I’ve never experienced that before. All in all I’m quite looking forward to it and am sure I will be the best trainer they’ve ever seen. No, I did not go to school for this job; Massah must have just noticed my natural ability as a trainer here at home and decided she couldn’t deprive inmates of my gift. My long-term career goal is to train 237,580 people to say “Oh, he’s so masculine looking!” and to give me baby carrots whenever they see me. When I’ve achieved that, my purpose there will be complete. Does it bother me that Fig doesn’t have to work?! Heavens no. She would probably train them all to say mean things about little naked Chinese men and the world doesn’t need any more of that, let me tell ya. Speaking of her....

2) There seems to be a 'love - hate' relationship with you and Fig. I mean, you call her 'Mean Sister Fig'...is that all just for show or is there serious dis-harmony in your household? Tell us about your relationship with Fig.

Let me be honest: there is no “hate” to my relationship with Mean Sister Fig. She is my bestest friend (besides my BFF Lola Sprout Beyonce) and I love her more than anything besides my food and baby carrots and Massah. She is called “Mean Sister Fig” because she is MEAN to me though! When I first came to live here, she tried to eat me. She attempted to poke her little toenails through the crate that I was in and jab my eyeballs out, and then she gnashed her teeth against the wires on the door over and over again in an attempt to chomp down on my jugular vein and kill me. In other words, she slightly disapproved of my presence in the house. Over the past year she has gotten better… we even sleep next to each other occasionally (when she doesn’t realize I’ve snuggled up to her side). She still doesn’t particularly like me, but I am now part of her pack and she keeps me in line. She yells at me a lot, especially when I’m screaming in her ear. But of course she loves me; who couldn’t?! I’ve also learned that when we’re playing, if I squeak in a really high, loud voice, Massah comes and picks me up. I can make Fig get in trouble that way, because Massah thinks she hurt me when I do that. It’s fun!

3) How has your angry pancreas been doing these days? Does it bother you that you can only eat certain things? For those pups out there suffering from the same condition, tell us a little bit about what types of snackies you can eat and do you feel that your condition sidelines you in anyway.

My pancreas and I are working together on anger management techniques. He hasn’t gotten really upset with me for a couple months now (Massah says that another episode should be coming up in a few weeks, since he “acts up” every 3 months or so). It makes me very sad that he doesn’t like me too much; I’ve never done anything to make him upset on purpose! Sometimes I eat too much poo and that makes him angry. (I’m trying really hard to stop doing that, but it just tastes so darn GOOD!) Other times we don’t know why he gets mad. Sometimes it makes me sad when I see the good food that everydog else gets to eat, but then I think of my BABY CARROTS and all is well with the world again! They’re my very favorite thing to eat in all the universe! I can only eat baby carrots (YUMMY!) and my prescription food from the vet’narin. This one time, on my Massah-versary, I got some wallymelon and it was so good that I scarfed in down in 2 seconds but I haven’t had any since. Massah said I can only have it once a year. I used to have Sam’s Yams every once in a long while, but Massah gets very nervous when I eat them so I can’t have them anymore. The only way my pancreatitis hinders me in any way is the fact that Massah won’t let me eat all the poo in the yard. Every time I got out I try to sneak some in, but she catches me a lot of the time.

4) Do you have any hobbies? What do you do in your spare time?

My spare time… hmmm…. I eat a lot of furniture. I pretend that I see things out the window and scream so loud that Massah jumps and yells at me. I throw all my toys up in the air. I run really, really fast! I make Fig chase me by pouncing at her. I play tug-o-war with tennis balls. I chase my tail. I beg to sit in people’s laps. I jump up HIGH in the air. I squeak toys as loud as I can. I bite Fig’s armpits. I try to run out the door when someone opens it so I can grab some poo in the yard and eat it. I cuddle up under blankets. I stick my tongue up people’s noses. I lick my food bowl over and over again, hoping that I somehow managed to miss a piece or two the first 237 time I licked it out. I make pee-pee in secret hiding places in the house. And by that time my day’s about over!

5) You and Lola (Sprout Beyonce) are quite a team. Now I know you are just BFF, but is there something more going on? Do you want there to be or is there some other special DWB girl out there? Inquiring minds want to know!

My BFF Lola Sprout Beyonce and I are Best Friends Forever! We would never do anything to compromise our BFF status. I must admit she is exceptionally beautiful, and at first I thought I might fall in love with her accidentally because she’s just so awesome, but we’ve been BFF’s for a while now and I wouldn’t change a thing. I have to be honest… there are a select few DWB gals that I’m quite taken with! But I’m too shy (and Massah says I’m still pretty young) so I’m just admiring from the sidelines, so to speak. Besides, I’m starting a new job soon and I don’t know how much time I’ll have; I’ll probably be exhausted when I get home and it wouldn’t be fair to get involved with a special lady at this point in my life. I’ve thought about getting a little black book to keep track of all my prospects, but Massah says that is not a gentlemanly way to go about it. *shrug*

If you've made it to the end, THANKS! That was fun!

If YOU'D like to be interviewed, let me know! Here are the rules:

1. If you are interested in being interviewed, leave me a comment saying, 'interview me.'

2. I will respond by posting five questions for you. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.