Well I was planning to take myself off to the land of my ancestors for some competition (see post below) but some things came to my attention by way of my feast-tastic pal, Stanislaw. Here he is:
Almost as handsome as I am, huh? Well, he shared some news with me. In his comment in the last post, he said -and I quote - "you won't even need to shave your chest!" WHAT?!?! Swimmers have to shave their chests?!?!
Why does this bother me so much? Let me share. Those who have been around a while know how proud I am of my exceptional masculinity. Wally T. even called me the "manliest dog on the internets" which I still repeat to myself every night before I go to sleep. Anyway, one of my most masculine traits that I am particularly proud of is my CHEST HAIR! Here a picture where you can see it in all its incredible glory:
Please ignore the mullet - that's why I never let Massah near me with a scissors any more, EVER. Anyway, did you see my chest hair?!?! There are so many manly chest hairs that I cannot even count them! There's probably 5 or maybe 7 of them?! Impressive, huh?! I have given it a lot of thought, but there is just no way I can get rid of those. So with great regret I must say: I respectfully withdraw my offer of assistance to the US Olympic Swim Team. I want to apologize to Michael Phelps especially, because I know he was really counting on the boost I would have provided. But rest assured I'll be cheering him on from my couch in the corn country.
Go USA! You can do it! Even without me there!