Sunday, April 20, 2008


I interrupt this blog to give you VISUAL PROOF that my girl has been cheating on me!!! She said she was going to "church" this morning, but when she got back... this is what I found on her camera!!!

Who are these dogs?!?!

Her story is that she found them running on the side of the road, looking for the next mud puddle or pile of poo to roll in. She didn't want them to get hurt so she invited them INTO HER CAR and TOOK THEM TO MOTCH'S HOUSE! This is Dot the Border Collie, not to be confused with Dot-Spot the Dalmation.

And here is Shorty, who looks slightly like Wally the Corgador, except Shorty is a Basset/Beagle mix. And he unfortunately has a name that highlights his diminuative stature.

My girl was quite taken with Shorty. And he posed quite nicely for her.

I could have had fun playing with them. But supposedly we are NOT GOOD with other dogs in our territory. Thanks, Mean Sister Fig.

All is well. Our girl called their mom and she picked them up. Next time I think I need to go to "church" with her....

Friday, April 11, 2008

it's not my fault!

I apologize profusely for the delay in my scheduled press conference. It is the fault of my press secretary. The picture below is us in happier times (like when she wasn't calling me BAD all the time). I do not know why we are blue. I think she was messing around with options she has no business even looking at, and accidently saved it this way.

One of my first duties as President might be to fire her and find a new one. Massah-in-law is on the computer a lot... I wonder if she would consider the job.

Mean Sister Fig has a poll - go vote YES for me!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

press release:

Due to last week's allegations, I will be holding a press conference in two (or three) days. At that time I will state my feelings on the subject, as well as address any concerns brought to my attention from my constituents. If there is an issue that you would like clarified, please detail it in the comments below. Thank you. And God Bless America.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

oh come ON

Mean Sister Fig is just fine, so everyone can stop worrying about her. Jeesh. Her eye looks perfectly normal now.

We're FRIENDS still. And I'm thinking about apologizing.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

oh boy

I am a VERY bad dog. That's what Massah keeps saying over and over and over and over. I'm not particularly perturbed by the situation, but I think that makes her even MORE mad at me. This is what I did tonight:

I'm not really concerned.

The Girl here. I have never been so angry and scared and shocked in my entire life. This little buggar BIT his sister tonight. Leah was making chicken and a tiny piece fell on the floor. She of course picked it up, but Tad came over to lick the spot. Fig wandered over to see what was going on, and he started in on her. After Leah seperated them (thank goodness she didn't get bit) I immediately put Fig in a time out because she is the one who is usually crabby and more "dangerous"... but when she came out of time out her eye was swollen! Turns out I didn't look her over well enough and there were two puncture wounds abover her eye and another scratch on the other side of the eye. These are pictures I took at the vet (on my phone, so they aren't the best quality):

The thing with Tad is that he has NO EARTHLY IDEA when you are mad at him - he's completely oblivious to any kind of emotion. So I can scold him till the cows come home, but he's totally clueless. And that makes me MAD because I feel like he's not "sorry" for what he did and would do it again in a heartbeat. And it also annoys me that dogs have, like... a 30 second attention span, so I can't continue to scold him. And I know I'm being ultimately irrational but the whole situation scared me to death. Right now they're fine; Tad was ridiculously excited to see Fig when we got back from the vet. He wants to lick her to death, as usual. Fig seems totally fine with him too; she's sleeping right now (after her dose of pain killer). I just don't know that to do. I guess I was hoping he was getting better with the food issue. I know he had a tough life before we found each other and he had to scrounge and fight for food (whenever it was occasionally tossed on the ground for him and his brother) and I understand that concept was ingrained in him for survival. I don't know how to help him with that! I feed him on a regular basis and at the same times every day, hoping he would "get the picture" that food will always be around for him now. I pet and touch him while he eats. I hold his food sometimes. I take it away and give it back. What else can I do? It's been a year and a half... how long does it take? Or will I always have to watch him like a hawk?

Sorry for the rant. If anyone has any insight or suggestions PLEASE feel free to share them! I'm a little stressed right now.